What if I am not ready to forgive and I know it?

Knowing you should forgive and actually being willing to, those are two very different things. You can sit in church, nod at the sermon, and still feel the hard knot in your chest when that person's name comes up. That is honest. God is not shocked by it. But maybe the question worth sitting with today is not whether you feel ready. Maybe it is whether you are holding onto the hurt because letting it go feels like saying what they did was okay. Jesus does not say wait until it feels easy.

"And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses."

- Mark 11:25 (KJV)

Today, just say this out loud or write it down: 'God, I am not there yet, but I am willing to be made willing.' That is not a small thing. It is an open door. Pray it once, plainly, before you get to work.

Lord, I am honest with you, I am not fully there. But I do not want to stay here either. Make me willing where I am not. I trust you with what it costs me. Amen.