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Sunday Message · Fountain of Grace International · Pretoria North

Stop Helping People (It's Making Them Worse)

You feel guilty saying no to someone who keeps asking. But constant handouts don't fix problems-they create dependency. There's a better way.

Pastor Ricardo Zaal · Fountain of Grace International, Pretoria North

You keep giving money to the same person, but nothing changes. Maybe the problem isn't them.

Prefer reading? The full sermon notes are below.

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This message is for you if:

  • You feel stuck in a cycle of helping someone who never improves
  • You guilt-trip yourself into giving when you know you shouldn't
  • You want to help but don't know where the line is anymore
  • You're exhausted from being everyone's solution

Your Good Heart Is Killing Them

You know the feeling. Someone you care about is stuck, so you help. You give money. You solve the problem for them. It feels right in the moment. But then next week, they're asking again. And again. What felt like kindness has become a trap-for both of you.

Pastor Ricardo learned this the hard way. When his girlfriend became pregnant at eighteen, his mother stepped in and took over his responsibility. She meant well. She wanted him to finish school. But by removing his responsibility, she taught him he didn't have to carry his own load. Good intention. Devastating result.

The problem is simple: temporary fixes create permanent dependency. When you give someone a handout instead of teaching them how to provide for themselves, you don't help them get on their feet. You teach them they need you. Every time you solve their problem, they learn they can't solve it themselves.

What Scripture Actually Says About Helping

Proverbs 19:17 tells us to have mercy on the poor. That word 'mercy' in Hebrew means to stoop in kindness to help someone become better, not to keep them dependent. But here's where most people get it wrong: giving someone food when they're hungry looks merciful. Teaching them to work for their food is actually merciful, because it builds their dignity and independence.

Scripture is clear. The Bible says in Genesis that people are supposed to eat by the sweat of their brow. Work. Effort. Struggle. That's how God designed human beings to thrive. When you remove the struggle, you remove the growth. Jesus' disciples asked him to teach them to pray-not to pray for them. They understood something crucial: if they didn't learn to pray themselves, they would become dependent on someone else's spiritual life instead of developing their own relationship with God.

James 2:15-16 asks the hard question: If you see someone without clothes or food and just tell them 'Go in peace, stay warm and well fed' without actually helping address the root cause, what good is that? The point isn't that you shouldn't help. The point is that real help addresses the problem itself, not just the symptom.

Why Temporary Fixes Backfire

Giving a homeless person two rand every time you see them at a traffic light keeps them standing at that traffic light. The money solves today's hunger but teaches them they can survive without changing anything. You become their quick fix. And quick fixes are addictive-for the person receiving them and for the giver who feels good about themselves.

When you give without teaching, you rob people of dignity. You tell them-silently but clearly-'You can't do this for yourself.' Social media posts of charity work are even worse. You feed someone while the world watches. That person feels degraded, not grateful. They learn they're worth something only when someone else is using them to look good.

The truth Jesus taught us is this: teach someone to fish and they eat for a lifetime. Give them a fish and they eat for a day-and come back tomorrow asking for another. Your job isn't to be their solution. Your job is to equip them to become their own solution.

How Parents (And Leaders) Create Helplessness

Overprotective parenting produces adults who can't function. When you tie your child's shoes until they're ten, they never learn to tie them. When you make their breakfast at eighteen, they don't know how to make a sandwich. When you shield them from every mistake, they become afraid of failure instead of learning from it. Proverbs 22:6 says to train a child in the way they should go-which means teaching them independence, not creating dependency.

The same applies to adult relationships, workplace leadership, and church. If you do everything for someone, you prevent them from growing. If you make every decision for your staff, they never learn to lead. If you pray for people instead of teaching them to pray, they remain spiritually helpless. You become God to them instead of pointing them toward the real God.

Galatians 6:5 is blunt: each person should carry their own load. Not someone else's load. Their own. When you carry loads that belong to someone else, you steal their opportunity to grow strong. You also ensure they'll keep coming back to you instead of learning to depend on God.

Drawing The Line: When Helping Becomes Enabling

The line is this: does my help teach them something, or does it make them more dependent on me? Does it build their capacity, or does it replace their capacity? Real help requires discipline from both people-the one giving and the one receiving. It's harder to teach someone to work than to give them money. It takes longer. It's uncomfortable. But it works.

Stop feeding people. Teach them how to feed themselves. Stop giving your child alternatives when they refuse to do something-let them face the real consequence so they learn. Stop praying for people instead of teaching them to pray. Stop micromanaging staff instead of developing them as leaders. Stop posting charity photos of vulnerable people. Stop letting adult children stay dependent on you. These aren't acts of love. They're acts of control disguised as kindness.

The discomfort you feel when you stop rescuing someone is a sign you're actually helping them. Let them struggle. Let them fail. Let them figure it out. That's how humans grow. That's what the Bible teaches. And that's the only way you genuinely love them.

What God Actually Wants From You

Romans 12:2 says don't conform to the world's pattern but be transformed by renewing your mind. The world says give, give, give to feel good about yourself. Scripture says invest in people's growth. The world says rescue people. Scripture says equip them. These are opposite directions.

Your role isn't to be anyone's savior. Jesus is the Savior. Your role is to live in a way that points people toward him. Be the kind of person who shows them what it looks like to depend on God, to work hard, to overcome challenges, to stand up and try again after failure. Live that out loud, and you'll influence more people than you ever could by giving them handouts.

If you have people relying entirely on you, you've replaced God in their life. That's a burden you were never meant to carry. Let them learn to lean on God instead. That's the only relationship that will actually change them.

"No quick fix helps others. It kills others."

- Pastor Ricardo Zaal

Key Takeaways

  1. Temporary Fixes Create Permanent Dependency Giving someone a one-time solution addresses today's problem but teaches them they can't solve tomorrow's. Real help equips people to handle their own challenges. When you remove the struggle, you remove the growth. Scripture says people are designed to eat by the sweat of their brow. That sweat is what builds character, resilience, and self-respect. Bypassing the struggle doesn't spare someone pain-it guarantees they'll face the same pain again and again, always needing rescue.
  2. Independence Comes Through Discomfort, Not Comfort Parents who shield children from all hardship raise adults who fear failure. Leaders who do all the work prevent their teams from developing capability. Pastors who pray for people instead of teaching them to pray keep them spiritually dependent. The discomfort of learning, trying, failing, and trying again is what builds independence. Proverbs 22:6 teaches that training a child means letting them learn in the way they're bent-which includes learning consequences. Removing all discomfort isn't love. It's control. Love says, 'I believe you're capable of more than you think.'
  3. Your Kindness Should Point People to God, Not to You When people depend on you for their provision, their prayers, their solutions, or their decisions, you've become their god. That's not humility-that's idolatry. Real Christian kindness equips people to depend on Jesus, not on you. Teach them to pray so they can talk to God directly. Teach them to work so they can provide for themselves. Teach them to make decisions so they can follow God's guidance personally. Live out your faith so visibly that they want to know Jesus, not just know you. The goal of every act of service should be to make the person less dependent on you and more dependent on God.

If you are in or around Pretoria or Johannesburg, come and join us on a Sunday - these messages are preached live every week at Fountain of Grace International, 323 B Danie Theron Street, Pretoria North.

Frequently Asked Questions

Doesn't the Bible say to give to the poor and help those in need?

Yes, Scripture calls us to help. But helping isn't the same as enabling. Real help addresses the root cause, not just the symptom. Proverbs 19:17 calls us to have mercy on the poor-and mercy means showing kindness that actually improves someone's situation, not creating a cycle of dependency. James 2:15-16 points out that just telling someone to 'stay warm and well fed' without addressing why they're cold or hungry isn't help at all. The best help teaches someone to provide for themselves, builds their dignity, and points them toward God as their source-not toward you.

How do I help someone without creating dependency?

Ask yourself: Does this help them become more independent or more dependent on me? If you're giving a handout, teach them a skill instead. If you're solving their problem, guide them through solving it themselves. If you're praying for them, teach them to pray. If you're making decisions for them, help them learn to decide. Real help requires more time and effort than just rescuing someone-but it's the only help that actually works. And remember Galatians 6:5: each person should carry their own load. Your job is to strengthen them to carry it, not to carry it for them.

What if someone refuses to help themselves?

Then stop. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. Teaching, equipping, and pointing the way is your responsibility. Actually changing is theirs. You're not responsible for their choices. If you keep giving to someone who refuses to grow, you're not helping-you're enabling addiction to your rescue. Let them face the consequences of their choices. That's often the only thing that actually wakes people up. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is say no and let someone experience what their choices actually cost.

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1, 2, I can still remember my mom's words, as he did was yesterday, her precise words was soos here JO KADOU RERIG You say my now I think I think this postingsburg is a skinner What can I say? I couldn't say anything Because in my mind I just know There's nothing I can do about it It happened There's nothing I can do about it Because it happened It's something I can tell you I as a person Just need to Just leave it at that So let me Let me reiterate it this way now Picture Dina You have such a good Relationship going With your parents You have such a good Way of doing things. But still, you are not actually where you're supposed to be. Now, I want to give you the background of what I'm saying. Now, my high school years has been a great years. I must say, all I can say was nice. But, picture this your mom coming to you saying to you these words you I can't believe it really I thought people were just making up stories but I've seen it for myself it is real it is real And in my mind I didn know what to say All I could say is Jammer mommy But, that is you are right. All I could say is, sorry, mom. It is the truth. What this brings out to, picture somebody at the age of 18 years of age. You have never told your mom Nor your dad Nor your sister Nor your brother Nobody You have told That your girlfriend is pregnant And your mom had to find out From other people Your good heart Kills others My message is entitled Your good heart Kills others And I want to reiterate the situation of why I'm saying that your good heart is healing others. And I'm going to give you the reason why it's very important that you as a person or as a Christian especially. Because here I'm talking about specifically Christians. And as a Christian, it's very important for you to understand where to draw the line. What's happening? I'm just gripping. Look at you. It's fine. Wow Your good heart Kills others Now you might be asking Hey man What do you mean by that I have started this situation By giving you a background Of what my mom said at the time But I have not given you the background Of what I have said So let me explain to you What I then said I said mommy you don worry Don worry about what is going to happen I going to look after the child And she still said to me, yeah, you, you are even a child yourself. How will you be able to do that? In my mind, all I had to think of is to look after my own child. But the reason I'm giving this story to you is so that you can understand what I mean when I say your good heart kills others. Picture somebody being in matric and the first thing your mom is saying to you, don't you worry. Because I'm going to take care of the child for you. Just finish your matric. And to me, it was like, no, no, no. I don't want to finish my matric. I want to look after the kid. And she forced me to look to finish my matric. Which I am thankful to her today. Because through that, it could actually help me to finish my matric. But do you know that it didn't help me in getting to be independent. Like I am supposed to be. Because when somebody is looking after your children You are teach A different way Because you as a parent Are supposed to look after your child And not somebody else And that is what happened to me My mom took the responsibility Which was my responsibility My mom took the responsibility which was my responsibility good heart almost killed me you should stop he said you must stop it I don't know what you are doing but you must stop it okay it's fine now so let me let me go to scripture because remember also we are bound to scriptures Anything we say, you need to back up by scripture. Because if I tell you something and it not backed up by scripture it where the thing that they say you are a false prophet comes in So a prophecy without a backup or without something is a false prophecy. But what do they tell, what do they say to teachers that teach and then they don't give backup is also a false teacher. So I'm trying to teach you something today that you need to take with you in life. Let me start off by saying I want to discuss a topic actually that is essential for our spiritual growth. And what I mean by our spiritual growth is it's our mission as Christians to avoid this. Avoid to do this and get into a trap. and get into a trap. So let me explain where I'm heading to. So I want to talk about a section that we as Christians fall into most of the time. It's a trip that not just makes us to be bad, but also helps us to kill others. And that is a giving. Giving gives others a situation where they expect you to give something. They expect you to actually, whenever they see you. You know, I don't know. Let me talk about real Christians like today's Christians. Do you know that most people come to the church when they are hungry? It's so much it's so much that anytime when somebody is hungry they know for a fact they can go to a pastor and and you know they use that thing as a How do you call it? They use it as a Manipulation if I can say that way because They manipulate you into giving them something because they know if they can just press the right button, you will give them something. They just say, but aren't you a pastor? Didn't I see you in that church? You're the last time I saw you in that church. Don't you want to give me a five ring? Hey, what do you say at that time? He pressed my button I'm a Christian Let me check And you You don't even serve to see What is he worth it You just take out and give You know It is such a bad thing to do You know why I'm saying It's such a bad thing to do It's because of We as Christians makes people reliant on us as a human being. We make people to rely on us as a human being. And the reason is plain and simple. It's such a good thing to do, but at the same time also bad. Let me explain. Let me start with the main scripture Of this word Let me start with Luke 16 And I'm going to read the verse 28 only Now read When we read in Luke 16 The Bible says this now For I have This is 16 verse 28 For I have five brethren that he may testify unto them lest they also come into this place of torment. The long and the short of this is two people go to heaven, one goes to hell. And then when this person go to hell, seeing what the person is going through, thinking of the people that they left behind and thinking, I need to get some way to get to them I don have the means to get to them to talk about this situation that i in at the moment so we in our our ways that we went through what we then now do is we go out and think that we can save others do you know that saving others kill you and also kill them you cannot save everybody you are not jesus the savior you are not jesus the savior period finish done you know why i am saying you are not jesus the savior if you've told your sister your brother You need to take Jesus up as your Lord and Savior. And they die today and they have not taken up Jesus as your Lord and Savior. It is not your work to let them take Jesus up as the Lord and Savior. It is not your work to do that. You have already said to them, please take up Jesus as your Lord and Savior. And if they don't, leave it at that because you have done your part. You cannot every time keep on saying to them Come on, come on If I can tell you today If you work If you, how do you say If you can walk your life In such a manner that Christ is seen in you Everybody wants to be like Christ Because they can see in you So everybody Can see you There's a song We used to sing And anytime I sing this song It lets me think of somebody specific Afrikaans, right? Just like my Jesus So sad and nether So rich and holy And when I hear that song You know the funniest part of it is One person come to mind when I used to sing that song Ek wil soos my Jesus wees, so sag en nederig, so rein en heilig. And my neighbor comes to mind. and my neighbor he died at an old age over 70 when he died but anytime whenever you speak to this guy you could literally see Jesus in him that's how he was so like a soft person, soft spoken everything he does he does so with love and may his soul rest in peace Wempit Boisin Wempit Boisin he was a person that whenever you talk to him he can't even scream at somebody and that is the kind of life that you live because when you live that kind of life You make others to also want to live like that. So that is why I am saying to you, sometimes you kill others by trying to help them. Because if you try to help them and they don't want to help themselves, unfortunately you are killing them. And how do you kill them? By scripture. because they know how to use scripture to manipulate you they know how to use scripture to manipulate you you know what I mean by this let's go to Proverbs 19 let's go to Proverbs 19 Proverbs 19 and let's read verse 17 I just want to show you something I just want to show you something Proverbs 19 Verse 17 Proverbs 19 verse 17 says this He who has pity on the poor lends to the Lord, and that which he has given, he will repay to him. So what the Bible says here is that whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done. Now my question to you is, what does the scripture say? He says you have to have pity on... Wait, wait, wait. Let me try and see if I can get to the Greek word for that word pity so that I can give you an understanding where I'm coming from. Proverbs, we're going to 19. and we said verse 17 and it says he that hath pity now the word pity in the Greek or Hebrew, no this one is Hebrew in the Hebrew is is it's a primitive root it's properly bent or stooped in kindness to an inferior did you say, see what it says to an inferior To bestow or constantly to implore To move to favor by And to grant And to be merciful And to show mercy and have mercy So what does this pity actually means? It means that you have to have mercy on the person But I'm telling you that we read scripture sometimes incorrectly because if I can tell you something, when somebody is hungry, when somebody is hungry and they need something and you just give it to them, You are allowing that person to come back and ask again. But when a person is hungry and you tell him, there's laws that is put in place, there's laws that are put in place that will help you to never go hungry again. You will understand you're actually helping the person. What do I mean by that? You are actually helping somebody if you go back to the scripture and say, according to the scripture, that somebody who wants to eat, wants to eat, needs to eat out of the sweat of their eyebrows. Isn't that what scripture is saying? Or am I correct by saying it or incorrect? I'm not going to give you the scripture, but Google it if you don't know the scripture, because I'm not going to give you the scripture. The scripture said that you will eat your bread with the sweat of your eyebrows. Meaning to say that if you are hungry, sweat needs to move for you to actually gain some momentum to eat. So if you ask, does that put sweat on your eyebrows? It does not put sweat on your eyebrows. It does not even take you anything to gain food that way. So your good heart are killing others. Come on. When I say your good heart are killing others, it takes away so much dignity from others as well. I'm going to bring my glass water. So what I'm saying to you is that Why I'm saying to you It takes out dignity from others You know I saw a video And I'm not going to say where I saw the video But I saw a video somebody feeding somebody And this was on a platform that the person was fed And this feeling in my mind I felt the person that is putting this video out of of feeding this person is is degrading the person you know what i mean by degrading is is is literally saying to the person I'm feeding you Because you can't feed yourself That was What it meant to me And I might see it At the wrong way I might be looking at it the wrong way But I can tell you now You are feeding somebody To feed on you Every time the person is hungry That person would want to come to you And ask for food Do you know that As Christians We really literally literally Having such a good heart That we are killing others By giving them food on the street When there is a homeless The Bible says that Our main job Is to feed the homeless is to look after the widow. That is our job to do that. That is our job. But do you know that also at the same time if you keep on feeding them, you make them reliant on you. That is what the Bible says. You need to give to them. Give to the poor. Give to them. Yes. But do you know that if you give them, also give them dignity. By dignity, I mean we have a tendency of every time whenever we give to charity, we have to take the photos and put the person that is there so much into shame Shame that the person feel ashamed to take something from you and the person is degrading The person is is is downgraded the person feels like a useless because I get fed and people need to see me on social media So that I can be fed this thing is killing others And that is why so many people have a tendency of talking about the unfortunate part is that when you want the sponsors, you still need to take the photos. Yes, come on, take that photos. Please send it to your sponsors. But whenever you do bring that pictures back, close the face up, please. Just make that person close the face of the person Because that is so downgrading the people It is so killing the people's morality Because the person feel like a useless Can't even do things for themselves Come on, if I can ask you nicely This is coming out of my heart That whenever you do give something to somebody Don't make your right hand knows what your left hand is doing It's such a good thing to say But do you live it out? Because remember what the Bible also said The Bible says that When your good deeds Is already paid out If your good deeds is paid here on earth You're not having any reward in heaven You're not having any reward by God because your reward has already been given. And today I might be sounding that I'm tramping on somebody's toes, but I'm not worried about you as a person giving. I'm worried about the person dying when you give them. I'm more worried about the person that is going down because of your good heart trying to help others and then you don't. You know one thing I can tell you about there is that temporary fixes bring long-term problems. Temporary fixes bring long-term problems. What I mean by that, temporary fixing, how can you give somebody bread? Why aren't you teaching the person to rather go and make the bread instead? Yo, yo, yo. This is what the Bible says. You know what the Bible says? The Bible says it's also so nicely in James. The Bible says in James 2 it says that suppose a brother or a sister without clothes and daily food if one of you says to them go in peace keep warm and well fed but does nothing about their physical needs what good is it That's what the Bible says. But does it mean that you now need to give the person clothes to wear Because the same person that you give that Nike shoes to is the same person that will go and sell that Nike shoes for the addiction to be taken care of. The same person that you give the food to is the same food that they went back to go and sell by others and use it for the addiction. The same person that you think that you are helping is actually not looking for the food. Doesn't even bother about the clothes that you give the person. The only thing the person needs is a quick fix in the problem I'm sitting now. I need of a smoke. So today I want to tell you that isn't the best fix rather to go to the root of the problem than to give somebody something. And instead of giving the person just that one fix And it's not a long term fix Because then the person will keep on coming back to you And as the person comes back to you The person will forever come back to you Because you are the forever quick fix No quick fix Help others It kills others No quick fix Help others It kills others It's no use for you to say The Bible says I should be looking after the orphanage Yes, you should look after the orphanage But not the way you look after the orphanage By taking pictures By giving them food Every time whenever you are by the orphanage You bring that food Instead of bringing something that can make the food Instead of bringing a bread maker so that they can know they need to make their own bread now you bringing bread every time It doesn't help you doing that and then make a temporary fix but causing long-term problems Come on if I can if I can tell you how many times I have stood by a robot and in my mind feel pity for the person but refuse to give that person a tour end because it's my tour end that keeps that person standing on that robot for longer. Every time I give that person a tour end is the reason why that person is still standing there because it's a quick fix to a long term problem. Rather just let the person say come and I can guarantee you today if you tell that person Okay, I have a 500 rand or a 1000 rand for you now Come to my house and come and clean my yard Do you know that person will run away? Because it's the temporary fixes That has caused him to sit with the long term problem Come on, I'm asking you nicely Church of God, it's no need for us to have a situation Where we keep on doing things for others whilst we are creating more of a problem for others. Okay, let me not talk about church. Let me talk about us as parents as well because our overprotectiveness is giving us sometimes a bigger issue as well because parents can make their children so overly reliant on themselves by being overprotective and never allowing them to face any challenges or to make their own decisions for that matter. I mean, if you're looking at it for so many times, we get up in the morning and we say to the child, look, there is this, there is that. I realized this some time ago when my seven-year-old daughter started putting on her clothes herself, Even though it's you and it's whatever But she doesn't want to rely on others to put on her clothes By us putting on their clothes until they are too old They never learn how to tie their shoes Because somebody has forever been tying their shoes We are overprotective of doing these things Not knowing that we are actually making our kids to be reliant on ourselves all the time. Come on, come on, come on. I want to speak to you about allowing your kid to go into dangers Because when you allow your kid to go into dangers you're actually allowing them to make their own mistakes, to learn quicker. Because the quicker they learn, the quicker they grow. Because your only work for your children is to make them independent. That's it. Your work is not to make them dependent on you for life. I find that somebody's kids are still staying with them While they are already 45 years of age And still are married But they still stay in the same house Where the parents is And still the parents are paying for their school fees Or the kids' school fees Or must I say the grandchildren's school fees That's how reliant we make Karawashi I want to talk to you about Proverbs 22 verse 6 says this word Train up a child in the way he should go And in keeping with this individual gift of bent And when he is old he will not depart from it So if you keep on teaching your child To be relying on you You teach your child to make sure that your child's children will also rely on that child. So use your child from the beginning and make sure that in this your child is not relying on you. Encourage your children to learn from their own mistakes. Let them climb the tree and fall, their arms broken. Nobody has ever died from falling from a tree Or in my mind I have not seen anybody die Or I have not come to a point where I have seen somebody die from falling off from a tree They just broke a leg or something I know somebody who died from falling off from a bucky But that was a moving bucky So what I am trying to say is sometimes in our minds We think that we need to protect our children And in protecting our children we make them to be softies I'm saying to you why why I'm saying to you this is that whenever I remember what my mom used to say when when Yaku Yaku was this big big big big guy he was so huge that anytime he smacked me I ran to my mom and said Mommy Jaco had me slain Go back and go outside She doesn't say to me, okay, Jaco, you... She didn't say anything. She said, go back and eat him back. Don't come here and ask for nonsense. Go back. And that is how we grow up as children. So when you grow up and somebody hit you Go back and hit them back if you want to If you are not the fighting type Leave it at that We as parents are so overprotecting That we even do everything for them We are so overprotective That we are doing everything for them Do you know that sometimes our children is even 18 years of age and have not done any cooking because we keep on cooking for them. They're not even knowing how to make their own sandwiches because we have kept on doing their sandwiches for themselves. And a sandwich is just a mere spreading of butter and cheese and whatever it comes with it. And it's so easy to do that. But because we have done it for the kids, they don't even know how to do it. a small thing like making an egg. Whatever you do, you know, the funniest part of it is that when I was actually staying on my own, or let me say, when I grew up, I never ate eggs because eggs were just a mere problem for me. But as soon as I start to stay alone, it was the easiest thing to make. And that is why I went back to eat eggs again, which I can, you can ask all of my friends, you can ask my mom, You can ask my dad I have not eaten egg since I think I was probably four or five years I have not touched an egg If I can see an egg, I will be throwing up like nobody's business But when I grew up and I had to do my own Because there was no alternative I had to do eggs myself So stop giving your kids alternatives Stop giving your kids alternatives What I mean by saying stop giving your kids alternatives Is because of our the reason why our kids are still relying on us is that we still fasten the shirt for them Let them put that shirt so skew. Let them learn by themselves how to put on that buttons. Because the quicker they learn to put on that buttons, the quicker you can do other things. How many times have you come to a situation Where your kid can't do certain things Because you have been doing it all along for them And I don't want to sound harsh today But this is a message that we need to understand That we need to do this if we want to go somewhere Doing everything for them Similarly doing everything for our children I mean, can stifle their independence. I mean, if you're looking at Galatians 6 verse 5, that's the new international version. It reminds us, for each one should carry their own load. So if I can carry your load, doesn't it mean that I carry too much already? Teach them how to carry their own load. Teach them how to get hurt. Teach them how friendship is not always about Having those good times together Teach them Sometimes friendship is about fighting Sometimes friendship is even about Even about hitting teeth out That's how hard it is to make friends Sometimes to have friends Is not just to have friends to play with Sometimes it's to have friends to fight with So that it can teach you When you are older How to deal with conflict Because that is the reason why so many people are sitting in jobs because they don't know how to handle conflict. They can't tell the boss, you're not going to speak to me like this. That is why even today we have the situation where somebody is still called boss because if the boss is saying this, you are the one that must do it. If I say to you, you do this, you will do it. That is the reason why up till today you have not learned how to learn, how to work in an environment where conflict is. It's the reason why, because your mom has not teach you how, your dad has not teach you how to learn conflict in life at an early age. at an early age. So, I want to make this message not about me, but about the person that is dying in the situation. The person that is actually supposed to be the one that is growing in a situation like this. Because if you're looking at it, We must not forget to guide our children spiritually Because when the Bible says in Proverbs 3 It says trust in the Lord with all your heart And lean not on your own understanding And in all your ways submit to Him And you will make your path straight Encourage your children to develop a personal relationship with God Because if they develop a personal relationship with God They quickly learn that there is something like the devil That will always encourage them to do wrong things at the same time As an adult Sometimes we must also seek some reliance and growth Because being overly reliant on others Can hinder our personal development Now let me talk about old children Let me talk about adult children Let me talk about children that is already supposed to be at the age of 100 But still are kids Let me talk about these children I want to I want to I want to I want to talk about you as a as a parent you as an adult the Bible says that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength and then but the moment there's a there's a relationship that goes a little bit AY. You no longer rely on Christ that gives you strength You rely on your first You not going to leave me I telling you today you not going to leave me I telling you you not going anywhere I love you too much. Go, go, go. Where does that take you? You rely so much on the person that you love that you don't want to lose the fear of losing. And that is why we're not growing because we are fearing of losing so many things in our life. As an adult, do you know that the fear of you losing your job is actually more of a problem than the fear of getting a better job? Because sometimes the fear of success is such a big thing in our life that we fear to have better things in life. And that is why we fear to move from where we are Because where we are has become a place of compliance You are so complacent with where you are That as an adult you are still not going anywhere Because you rely on the boss that will give you a salary You rely on a person that will give you a salary But didn't the Bible say that Psalm 70 Okay, but there's a scripture that says that Growth doesn't come up I mean, increase doesn't come From yourself It comes from the Lord Increase comes from the Lord Yes, that's the one I'm looking for So when the Bible says that it comes from the Lord Does it mean that you have to rely on the skills that you have or does it mean that you can rely on God fully taking care of you. The fear of losing that job is the fear of you not growing. As a parent, you are too reliant on others. And that is the reason why, as an adult, let me say it that way, because now I'm not talking about children anymore. I'm not talking about parents who have children. I'm talking about an adult now, whether you have a child or not. You are so reliant on certain things that you are actually killing others And sometimes the reason why we kill others is that we are actually killing others in a sense of micromanaging them. You are a manager and you micromanage others. And in micromanaging, you are not allowing the person to grow, to become a manager like you as well, because you still want to do other things for them. So come on, let me speak to parents in a sense of, or let me speak to adults in a sense of why you are killing others. You are killing others because of you are seeking for that things that they are going to fail. You are killing them. You are killing them You are killing them You know that the Bible says These words now Do not conform to the pattern Of this world But be transformed by the renewing of your mind So embrace challenges and seek opportunities for growth. Because what I mean by this is that sometimes we are having a situation of not allowing others to grow. Allowing others to renew their minds. You as a pastor for argument's sake, you are not allowing others to stand in front also and do a teaching. Because you have a situation of you want to be the only one that grows. And by doing that, you are stopping others from growing as well. Do you know that in church, we tend to believe the prayers of the man of God more than our prayers that we pray ourselves. Don't you know that you are not, the man of God is not the person that is in the situation. You are in the situation So whenever there's a praying needed You are the one that is closer to the situation So you as a pastor You are killing others Because you keep on saying to them I going to pray for you in this situation one two and three and not teaching them how to pray because jesus said jesus disciples saw the the lack that they had teach us how to pray lord teach us how to pray and jesus had to teach them how to pray because they soon realize if they don't know how to pray they will fall free to others when the disciples knew that they will fall prey to something, they asked Jesus how to pray. Doesn't that show you something that you as a parent or you as an adult or you as anybody, whether you are a child or an adult, you need to be reliant on certain things, but make sure that your reliance is more on God than the arm of flesh. because the Bible says, lean not on the arm of flesh. You know, I sometimes, I sometimes feel pain when I can see a man of God prophesying hardcore, like, how do you call it? Accurate prophecies But the person That stands next to him Cannot even Say any Prophetic word It kills me To actually say You Out of your own heart Your own good heart Are killing others Do you know that When I see in a ministry Somebody That doesn't even know The Bible Because you Keep on preaching about the Bible You're not allowing the person To talk about the Bible yourself as well Let them Speak about the Bible Let them talk about the Bible Let them learn about the Bible Not through your words But through the word that God is given to them. And that is the reason why when you want to help others, do certain things to help them, not feed them. Stop feeding people that you need to teach them how to feed themselves. Stop giving them fish that you need to teach them how to do fishing. Stop doing that things that you are supposed to do that is helping them and making a short-term fix a long-term problem. Make a long-term fix and a short-term problem. Because do you know that sometimes discipline is something that is hard to have at this moment. It's so hard to wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go jog. It's so hard to just take that time not to eat a certain type of food because you just want to make sure that you keep your health intact. You know, it costs discipline not to eat salt knowing that you have a high blood pleasure. You know, it takes so much discipline for you to just read 10 pages out of the Bible to know God more because the discipline of reading your Bible now has a long-term let's say a long-term benefit for you because the discipline of doing things now you don see the this is just a benefit of it rather best to read your own Bible than to listen to a preacher to tell you how should you live your life because if you read your bible yourself you will actually be no not reliant on others but reliant more on god and that is the reason why i'm saying to you today that this message today i will let me let me let me do a part two of this message because I see there's so many things that I still need to go through. And I don't want to overwhelm you with too much information. Because sometimes information overload makes you not to act. But today the action I want to do to you, I want to give you today is to make people stop relying on you. Give them things not to rely on you, but rather to be self-reliant. Lord Jesus, this morning, I want to take the time and ask you, please, my Lord, please. You know, sometimes when I say the word please, it sounds like I'm begging you. But today I am. Because I don't want to sit in a situation where I have too many people relying on me that I become God to them I want you to be God in their lives So make them not to rely on me as a human being but rather rely on you as God who is the author and the finisher of our faith who is the one that makes things work in our lives Father God, I'm praying this morning that as I'm speaking to everybody this morning, Father God, let them realize, Father God, that in making others to get better and not just giving them to just have it for that one time. I pray, O Lord Jesus, help them to make a long-term solution for everybody, to teach them how to fish instead of giving them fish in the mighty name of Jesus. Teach them how to be fishers of men and not to rely on others that will recruit for you, Father God. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ this morning, Father God. For those of them that doesn't know you, Father God, this morning, I want to pray, O Lord, that they will take you up as the Lord and Savior, as the Lord and personal Savior, Father God, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, O Lord and Savior. Those that don't know you, Father God, I ask for forgiveness. Those that say that I want to take Jesus up as my Lord and Savior this morning, I pray for them, Father God. Take away their sins, Father God, because you died on the cross of Calvary and that cross is a sign of grace that is upon our lives, that is taking the sins away of this world, Father God. I pray that you will take that away from them. Everything that they've done wrongly, forgive them, Father God, Because when you forgive them for the God they can stand purely in front of you this morning Write their names on the in the book of life this morning for the God Write their names in the book of life Ask them anytime whenever they speak to you Father God Let them feel that you are their father and that they are children of God. Because you said everybody that actually confess with their mouth that Jesus is Christ and Lord, they will be saved, Father God. Save them from this world and their nonsense this morning in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. I also pray that this morning as we are about to go out of this environment for the God let everybody that knows you for the God knows that they can work things according to your will and making others to be fishes of men and not just them doing the job all the time for the God but helping others whenever they feed somebody for the God let them make those people also to be feeders and not to be parasites in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, this morning. I pray, O Lord, let everybody that is under the sound of my voice take that one moment, that one minute to realize that they all need to help others and not have a good heart in killing others. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, we pray. Now may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit. Rest and abide with us all until Jesus comes. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our lives and we shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever. In Jesus' mighty name we pray. Amen.
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