The One Conversation That Stops Relationship Arguments Before They Start

So therefore, we want to thank you for that because it's not something that we must take lightly that you will be coming to church. Sometimes you don't even need to come to church, but just because you decide to be in the presence of God, you're coming to church service. And so these are the things that we really need to honor you for that. And I realized that other people choose not to be in a church on a Sunday. And their choices sometimes, you can't predict the choice. Because when you predict their choices, you're actually trying to be judgmental. but one of the things that I believe is that God is working working it out for each and every one of us that makes the means and your means will not be in vain you know when I say it will not be in vain it's that some of the things you do like for argument's sake drinking water it will give your body the nourishment that you need so if you don't drink water the evidence of that is literally going to be seen in like the way I'm saying now, I haven't been drinking water in the morning so my throat feels dry this is a sign that I didn't drink enough water some of the signs of water of not having enough water is literally those cramps that you get in your legs or in your parts of bodies because there's not much that magnesium can do if there's no water to take it to the parts of the body. So these are the things we say. So we want to say thank you once again. I know that that sounds like a lot of thank you, but it's really something that I need to, out of the depth of my heart, say thank you for. And especially for some people that they find themselves sitting at places where they feel it better to be than at places where you find that God is able Do you know that there was a time when I was in the world, a Sunday morning was a typical Sunday morning for me, where I will be waking up probably between 12 and 2. And that will be mainly because my mom will call me, now it's time to eat. That would be like a Sunday. And now I realize what made that. It was the night before that when you drink so much that you can't actually waking up on a Sunday morning. So my prayer is that our Saturday evenings will set a tone for our Sundays. And our Sundays will set a tone for our weeks. You know why I'm saying our Sundays set a tone for our weeks? Because we go through so much things during the course of the week that you will need the Sunday to be in church, to be motivated before it happens. Because some of us have the tendency of only start praying when there's some flames in your life. That's when you start realizing, yo, there's must God somewhere. I must actually get God involved in this So if you on Sunday already prayed for the week Pray up for the week Or do certain things for the week You will get it better And I also want to take the time now And making sure That you should understand that church is not about me When I say it's not about me I am not the one that When I'm standing here in front gets the credit for it. The church is literally for us. So the church is literally for us helping each other, lifting each other up. Because if we lift each other up through days like this, when days are darker, it's tough. And I must say thank you Mom Gruti for also taking the initiatives in certain areas of our lives because of when God prepared things for you or yeah when god warns you in certain areas of our lives please do not hesitate to to to tell us if i can say tell us i mean by what is the word i'm reprimanding us yeah that's the that's the word I'm looking for reprimanding us because reprimanding helps us to get in alignment you see some of the times we have been doing things so wrong long time that we don't see it as wrong anymore you see sometimes we don't see it as wrong anymore because you've been constantly doing it and you have constantly not worried about it I mean if you're looking at it our individual prayers is something that I can say to you does carry power, but a prayer that is how do you call it? Structured a prayer that is together, like people praying together, it has more power than praying individually, you see because the Bible even says where two or three are gathered in his name he will be there is not to say he's not there all the other times but it's a stronger word that proves that he will be there. You see, in these prayer meetings we sometimes have we need to make sure that these prayer meetings we keep them as close as possible to help. So this morning my message I have entitled also at the same time, I think I should be saying it's a continuation of last week's message. so I will just give you a brief of last week's message and then I will go on with the continuation of today's message but what happened on last week we were talking about the foxes that we must not be giving way for the foxes you know it those small foxes that actually um allow us to to to fall down it allow us to fall down so last week in my i'm just looking for my notes quickly so I want to give you a brief on last week's message so as I was reading out of Solomon you know Solomon, Song of Solomon I mean, Song 2 of Solomon I mean, Song of Solomon 2 sorry, that one, Song of Solomon 2 and then I read verse 14 but I'm just going to give you a summary of last week what we were talking about firstly the smaller foxes are those things that break the vineyard I want to read it for you so that you can see what we're talking about so Song of Solomon 2 verse 15 it says take us the foxes the little foxes that spoil the vines for our vines have tender grapes. So which means that the smaller things that we do, these small foxes kill our vineyards, our what is that thing called? You call it I'll tell you now. Our harvest. Yeah, that's what I'm looking for. So the small foxes, they kill our harvest. Harvest meaning the things that we were supposed to get just as we are about to harvest. Then suddenly these small foxes come in our vineyards and it kills our harvest that we were supposed to harvest. So they harvest before us. So it's like you work hard for something and just as you are about to get the reward for it, these small foxes come and kill you. And I've given you steps how to implement this so that it doesn't kill your crop before time. I said last week was to acknowledge and identify the areas of your weaknesses or the smaller foxes in your life. So how do you acknowledge this is by looking at the things that takes you the opposite direction from where you want to go. So opposite direction, I'm just making an example. You want to pass the exams, but also at the same time, you want to go party. So which one is the one that takes you away from your harvest? now you have to make the decision is party going to help me to gain or to to be success in your studies if I can say it that way so if that is not the case it means that you need to say party just go for now then that's acknowledging and identifying it the small foxes then I said also create a plan, how would you change? I actually should give you the scriptures that goes with it as well, but you can read those scriptures at home, I'm not going to read it today. I'll just give you the background of it. So to acknowledge and identify the small foxes in your life is Psalm 139. Now Psalm 139, and I'm reading from verse 23 and verse 24, that's the one. Psalm 139, 23 and 24. That's how you deal with it. Then I said to you, create a plan for it. How would you change these foxes not to come into your life or will be coming into your life again? Which is in Proverbs 21 verse 5. That's the scripture I gave you. Proverbs 21 verse 5. Then I also said to you, don't just say, here is the problem I'm having. Okay, this is what I'm going to do. This is the plan. You know, I'm going to go about it. No, no, no. It's something that you acknowledge it. You have a plan of action But then you start with small and consistent steps to help you overcome this which is in Zechariah 4 verse 10 um Zechariah 4 verse 10 um oh but i i said i won give you the scriptures i'm just i'll just give you the scriptures i won't read the scriptures to you so that is start small and be consistent Zechariah 4 verse 10 also James 1 verse 22 one of the scriptures I can say to you James 1 verse 22 is such a scripture that is so close to my heart because this is the scripture that says do not let it be mere words but also be action towards it that's James 1 verse 22 then number four I said to you replace bad habits with good ones so anytime whenever these small foxes come in your life try and change it to a better way now that is found in Ephesians 4 verse 22 to 24 Ephesians 4 verse 22 to 24 then I also say it's no use of having this and you change it. Say for argument's sake, you change the fact that you say, I'm going to be in church every Sunday. But one Sunday, something just happened that makes you not to come to church again. Now you must have somebody that you are accountable for. So I've given you to be accountable as well. So that anytime whenever something happens, somebody can say to you, but didn't you say last time you want to be in church every Sunday? So if somebody is accountable for that steps and letting them know about what you do, that is Ecclesiastes 4 verse 9 to 10. Ecclesiastes 4 verse 9 to 10. So it's no use of somebody holding you accountable. You have all these things in place, but obviously you don't know are you growing or not. So that is where the next step comes in, where you can track your progress. Tracking your progress meaning to say that I am here I want to be there so I need to know where I am at the moment So track your progress as you go along and also celebrate every time when you have hit something that you taught will take you 6 months 12 months a year So you track it and celebrate it. Philippians 4 verse 8. I've given the scripture in Philippians 4 verse 8. and then I said, okay, now you have this one that keeps you accountable. Now you have track your progress and every time you win, you celebrate. But what is the use of that? You're celebrating, but you don't stop. So you need to persevere and don't give up. So perseverance makes you to win the race. So you track the progress, but you keep on keeping on and that is perseverance. and not to give up, which is in Galatians 6 verse 9. Galatians 6 verse 9. And then I said, rely on God's strength, which is actually, I actually said it needs to be number 6, I think. I think I've swapped the three around, but I forgot to swap it on my notes as well. But what I mean is, I said relying on God's strength, meaning to say that anytime you want to do things, if you don't do it with God, you will fail. So rather rely on God from the beginning to know that you will have these foxes out of your life, which is Philippians 4 verse 30. now when we talk about this foxes we also have something that I need to say where is it more appropriate for this foxes where is it more appropriate for this foxes because if I give you certain things I don't want you to think okay there is a fox let me give you an example and I'm going to give an example of two things I'm going to give you an example of two areas of life because my my message you say is don give way for the smaller foxes to stop you So don give way for the smaller foxes to stop you So don't give way for the smaller foxes to stop you, but don't give way in which areas. So which areas Is it more importantly To look into The reason I'm giving you two Is because of this two You can use it And use it in your own Area if I can call it that way I'm giving you the example But you choose which area So say for argument's sake I'm just making an example the area that I'm bad at is for argument's sake at my workplace I wait for the last minute to do things then things doesn't go so this waiting is my fox you see so waiting for the last minute is one of my foxes so I want to have this fox to be taken out of my life And this fox, I want it to go so that I can have a more successful career. But the two I'm going to give you, number one is I'm going to give you in the area of relationships. Number one, relationships. So in the area of relationships There's a few things that needs to be done For your relationship to work or to progress Or to go to the next step You know how our relationships work Let me make an example now Of boy and girl relationship Look there's different relationships But I'm just making an example of this now So boy and girl relationship starts with somebody saying hi there girl or hi there guy, it's a greeting. So that is a starting of a communication towards something. Maybe in your mind you want to have this guy as your boyfriend or maybe in your mind you want to have this girl as your girlfriend. But how to get the guy or the girl is by starting to greet so the more you start greeting the guy he starts thinking hey but this girl every time i pass her she she greet me somewhere or another i need to have some sort of how are you so that starts with engaging the relationship the more you start talking the more the relationship becomes more of a better So this is the relationship I'm talking about now. So I want to give you some pointers to make it better. Number one on the relationship, to make your relationship go better is communication. What is communication? Communication is something that one is talking, the other one is listening. That's communication. but remember you as a person when you listen your body language tells me if you are listening or not so that's communication because you know in our our industry which is sales when they say to you you need to sell something to somebody. When that person stands like this, you can immediately know the person is not going to take up the product because they are closing themselves. So that is a sign of closing. Before you can close, they are closing in, not to listen to you. Some of those are sitting or some of those are fiddling with something, meaning they're not listening. So those are communications that is not verbally communicated, but it's some physical point of communication. Have you ever speak to somebody and you can immediately sense the person is not listening to you? Do you know why? because of the verbal thing. They not saying I not listening But what they do can show they not listening so that is the thing when it comes to relationships is communication number one but do you know that i might be saying to you a relationship between a girl and a boy but also i want to say to you at the same time God's relationship Is by communicating with God If you don't communicate with God He will not know Or He does know But He's waiting for you Because He gave you a free will Do you know God gave you a free will He doesn't force things upon you So He gave you a free will And that free will Is the one that will allow you If you communicate with Him It will help you so my wife always says to me you have not communicated and then I'll be like but I've mentioned it to you and me mentioning is I've told you so these are the things that I in my side knows I'm doing wrong because I just mentioned some of the things that I can say to you in communication that mess up your communication is things that you not telling them but you think they will know make sense what I'm trying to say it's like Mariam Mescat you know on Sunday is church but you didn't say it's church you just think they know it's church so when you communicate when you communicate verbally it allows you not to have some sort of an expectation because some of our expectations is because we did not communicate correctly so what is my communication expectation number one of my of the things that I would like you to take even if you forget the rest just know remember this communicate exactly what you expect from the other person exactly like like i want you to wear something it not a communication I want you to wear your black dress with red stripes and your formal shoes That is communicating correctly Communication means that When I communicate to you And I say to you We're going out And the time we're going out Mamrute, do you know how many times We said we're going out And then me and my shorties I find myself in the wrong place That I didn't want to wear shorty Because to me Going out means that It's just nearby the mall maybe you see because when you find me most of the time I'm wearing short pants and I love the short pants because it's comfortable but if you say to me let's go out then you say let's go out like my wife yesterday no you're looking you're not looking dressed properly to me I was wearing a short and my t-shirt I was happy with it and she said to me no, dress something you can still wear a short but dress a better looking short like it looks representative and I was like oh and this short is sitting so nicely now but she communicated her expectation properly to me and that is when I now went out and I took my jeans out, which was a better fit for the occasion that we went to. So that is communication for you. And I don't have it all the time. That's my problem. I can talk for hours in front of you, giving my ideas. But ask my son. Daddy, but you said you will be doing this and that and the other but you didn't do it. He will tell you but you said it. So the communication was there but also the action was not there. So communicating doesn mean it stops there you need to act on it as well so let me go to the scripture as well now in ephesians 4 verse 29 in ephesians 4 verse 29 the bible says do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Do you hear what a clear communication is? A communication is not an unwholesome talk. Not talking, but between me and you as guys, you know sometimes guys have nonsense talk. It's like, hey my bro, do you know that yesterday, this trouser that you have in here, it's not even nice. And they talk nonsense, they, you know what Guara is? You know what Guara is? This, you know like this. We have that, we just this, this, this each other. you see like anytime whenever guys talk hey you with the big ears as if that's something normal to to guys it's not something normal you can't be talking like to somebody like that all the time ah look at this one today he was he came here and he was not even uh brushing his teeth and then they start talking about you spit fire now they're dissing you for you not brushing your teeth so guy talk is normally like that and we are comfortable with it we're really comfortable with it when it is supposed to be a communication that is wholesome a communication that helps a communication that delivers something that is of better to you. You see? So, when it comes to relationships, effective communication is crucial reason. Sometimes opening your mouth is communicative. But when you communicate correctly, it stops this thing of, Expecting. You know, expectancy is the worst part. Oh, my birthday is coming up. Okay, so? My wife said to Ms. Craig, I'm expecting you, the night before my birthday, we should go somewhere. That's what she said. And that is a clear communication that she said. So what should I do? I must make plans for the night before we must go. That's a clear communication. A lot of misunderstandings come from a lot of assumptions. Miscommunications comes from assumptions. I'm assuming. Therefore, and I'm going to say it like people saying assumption is the mother of all efforts that's that that word for me it sounds harsh but it's true that is why we messed up so much because we assuming so communication is not assuming is clearly verbalizing in the relationship I want a car donkey car Cho cho cho. You say car. You don't say what car. Then God give you the donkey car and then you're like, Hey, Mother God. Yo, yo, yo. I asked for car. Now you give me this nonsense. No. Communicate clear and say, God, I want a black Mercedes 350. Run away. He can't. He can't message. He can't. because now he missed it because you said car and you're not happy with the Uno Uno fires you know I was driving a Uno, I was asking God for a car, so he gave me car but I almost died in the car because the car burned down the way it was useless, it was nonsense but that is the thing about clear communication I told my wife I want a baki Do you know what my wife said No Because I said Baki I didn say double cap Baki So here she thinking me going to sit and drive her she's going to sit left from me and the kids are at the back. Not there's another seat at the back. No, they are at the back. Clear communication. I said Baki. Instead of saying double cap Baki. These are communication. You know, some of the things that you also need to understand that our communication create a miscommunication and our relationships is gone with it because of miscommunications. You know, one of my main things is that you don't have to ask me where, how do you say? You don't have to tell me every time you go. My daughter is here. She will tell you. You don't have to tell me every time where you're going. As long as you have done what I've asked you to do, you can go anywhere. That's a clear communication. Do, because one of the things that I said to her is just clean the house. You go. For the whole weekend you have to yourself. That's communication that it's clean. But you said, if I clean, I can go. You didn't say once I'm cleaning, I must come and talk to you and ask you, can I go? No, no, no. I said, clean, you're gone. That's a clear communication to make sure that there's no misunderstanding. Where are you? Why didn't you tell me? Hey, hey, hey, you did it. It creates a problem. And this creates things that makes relationships to go sour. Because of no clear communication. I'm trying to read my notes so that I don't... I don miss anything So that is number one communication clear communication I said remember I said clear communication not communication Because communicating means I going to communicate whether you listen or you don It doesn mean it right Clear communication means the other person is with you. We are together. That's communication. Clear communication. Number one. Number two. In relationships. Is to always practice forgiveness and practice grace. Do you know that some of the relationships went sour because of things that happened in the past? That day when I smacked you, yes, you smacked me. But I asked for forgiveness and you said you forgive me. But anytime, whenever we fight, you go back. Do you remember that day when you've hung up me. And you're like, ah, but I asked for forgiveness. I did not mean it at that time. Therefore, it didn't happen again. So, forgiveness is something that it comes with the territory of relationship. The scripture that I can give you is Colossians 3 verse 13. Colossians 3 verse 13 says it so nicely Bear with each other and forgive one another If any of you has a grievance against someone Forgive as the Lord forgave you Bear with each other and forgive one another If any of you have grievance against someone So just as we are called to forgive in our Christian life forgiveness is a key thing in relationship. It's a key thing in relationship. Because once you you know somebody was telling me once that grievance he mentioned so many names but I can't remember the names but grievance was one of them Unforgiveness was one of them. Hate was one of them So there a lot of them Which i just using this point to prove to you what i mean when i say forgiveness so to forgive others is to have somebody's rope that is on their neck with them So you have the rope That is tied upon that person's neck If you don't forgive You keep on pulling the person Killing the person And what happens is that Because the person doesn't want to die The person pulls as well So the pain will not just be on the other person But it will be on you as well Because the harder the rope that you hold the more it becomes so for you to hold on. And therefore when forgiveness when forgiveness is hold on for far too long it hurts you more than what it hurts others. That's the same as anger as all the other things that I just mentioned now. So the more you're holding on to unforgiveness you hold on to not forgiving that person you are killing yourself it's like the saying that says poisoning drinking poison to kill others you you drink the poison but you kill others so that's being unforgiveness of having unforgiveness you know that there's certain things that I can say to you that we've done mistakes on and when we did that mistakes you come to the Lord and you forget to go and ask for forgiveness and that is an open door for the enemy to use to get you back again Let me explain. One of the girlfriends that we didn't say bye-bye to each other, how do you call it? The relationship didn't say, you go your way, I go my way. One of those are like this, no? so you are together the next thing being together being together one day you just don't call each other you don't just don't come to each other's houses and everything just stop now you get into another relationship that relationship's door wasn't closed now all the fights that you had with that relationship comes into your new relationship again. And you wonder, what's wrong? Because the door hasn't been closed, you have not forgiven the person for smacking you. Therefore, this person also smacked you now. What's that? That's number two. Forgiveness. Number three A relationship will always A relationship will always conquer And survive If you are in it to serve others Serve others No relationship is in only getting Never It will not get you anywhere If you are only standing and asking Give me, give me, give me The more you only ask give me The more the relationship is one sided And I actually forget I said I am using it in two places I'm also using it in knowledge do we call it knowledge, education anything that has to do with wisdom like where you can become a better person with others so you will gain knowledge through clear communication so how do you communicate how do you get knowledge, clear communication Lord, my prayer is I want wisdom then God gives you wisdom in how to do pottery you did not ask i want wisdom in managing people or you didn't ask Lord I need wisdom to know how to build a house you see so that is in education you need to have a clear communication to what you would want to become in education also forgive yourself for the things that you have learned that did not serve you. Make sense what I'm trying to say? Like, how do you forgive yourself for not serving for things that did not serve you? I'm already asking for forgiveness. I'm having a problem with my with my legs. You know after the incident I can't stand too long. So I feel it now. So what I mean by education is that you have learned things that cause you pain. So forgive yourself for taking the step to get those education because these are the things that will also help you to become a better person. You see, some of the things that you learn is not just to get something good. It's also to gain the things that is not good. To gain knowledge on the things that is not good. so serving one another in education and in relationship is something twofold do you know that when you want to study something when you teach others what you want to study you grasp it better You grasp it better Like for argument sake, you want to teach them, or you want to teach yourself how to build a car. If you explain it to others, how, you learn it quicker, how to. Because now you're also using that to teach somebody. so that is serving let me take you to scripture serve one another in Ephesians 5 verse 21 Ephesians 5 verse 21 Ephesians 5 verse 21 say submit to one another out of reverence for Christ so you thrive when both your partners adopt a habit of serving one another. Rather than to seek your own interest. Whether it is through an act of kindness, helping with responsibilities, of being emotionally present, mutual submission and service reflects Christ's love. You know, serving one another is like the some of the things that come out of last night was such a blessing for me I looked at a couple and I saw this couple that came through so many things that this how can I say the past things that the person was doing was stuck in my mind. But the present things that happened were such a blessing for me. It was literally I was like, yo, this is the thing, one of the things that they always say, don't look at somebody at the previous things that they did previously. How do you say it At the past yes Don look at somebody for what they have done in the past Because the past is no longer a part of the today and that for me was like wow the person is serving so much and you can see the person is really is really wanting to become somebody better and i was like yo this was a message for me today something that i i will take forever with me. To know not to hold somebody's pass against him. So serving one another that's the one. So serving one another is something that you should know it is not what's in it for me. You know what's in it for me means I will give you money when you buy us food. What is the use of giving the money But it is for us It's not for the person I'm just making an example for the money Because it's easier to make that example That's the one So another one we're talking about Is like When we're talking about serving one another It's like I really want to take the time and cook for you. You see, like you want to do it. It's not something that you are forced to do. That is serving. It's not because the person is sick. Now you are cooking and wanting to serve the person now that the person is sick. It's something that you want to do. So serving has many ways of doing it. That's serving, Number 3 Number 4 Is also Pursue wisdom So Pursue wisdom Meaning to say that I want to know who you are As a person I don't want to Be in a relationship Where I only Know Okay, let me make an example. I only know my wife's name is Ronel. But I don't know what's her interest. Because that is what I was, I was, how do you say, that is me, I was all the years, I've been all about myself and not knowing my wife. What is her interest? What is the things that she loves most dearly? So pursuing that wisdom makes the other person to be better off. so when you seek when you seek something from the other person to get to know the person better get to know it's the same as in education pursue to become wiser going to scripture reading there Proverbs 4 verse 7 where Proverbs 4 verse 7 says the following the beginning of wisdom is this gets wisdom though it costs all you have get understanding so do everything that you can to know the person to see who the person is for who they are you understand when I say see the person in a relationship for who the person are my mom is my mom yes, that's her title but my mom is also somebody that has their unique being I want to know my mom's unique being how is she woven together how is she knitted together, if I can say it like the Bible says in Jeremiah, you have knitted me together. How is my mother being knitted together? What makes her too thick and what makes her not to thick? So I want to pursue who she is in the relationship. You know some of the things that you get into a relationship because the person put up a something, something. You know like the person put up a front is it front yeah to put up a front yeah something yeah but it not to be who you are if i can say it that way so in a relationship if you make it your means to know the person it does change things I'm making an example. Do you know that the best transito heist guys, if you go and talk with them, do you know what you will hear? I want to give the best education to my daughter. And then you are like, but doing it the wrong way. But within the depths of them, they're doing it for the right reasons, but they're doing it wrong. You must actually go to the documentaries of these guys that goes into high school. You will hear all the stories Why they have done it Some of them do it Just to impress a friend Because they are Having that friend so dearly to them That they are trying to impress That friend And doing heist in the process Killing people in the process For somebody else So therefore I am saying to you Pursue it to know that person pursue it to know the subject that you want an education on because there's a difference between psychiatry and psychology there's a difference between the two but because of the love of you for human beings you actually want to study one or the other but you don't know what is the best one that you actually want you see psychology means that there's something wrong between the ears psychiatry means there's something wrong between the ears but the problem is what is it is it thinking stinking thinking or is it brain misfiring you see there's the two differences so your thinking thinking has to do with psychology and it makes you to think better psychiatry is where there an imbalance in your chemistry is chemistry it chemistry It like when somebody is not sharp there some imbalancing in the brain. Like these guys for... mental yes there we go you see so what i'm trying to say is to pursue wisdom or to pursue education it's no need for you to pursue that i want to be i want to help a person but not knowing how Because helping somebody, you can help them from the wall into the ditch. So that's the one. There's another one that I've also made mention of. is to work hard and avoid laziness. In relationship, working hard on your relationship is one of the things that you need to understand that is also making a relationship to go far. What I mean by this, She's asking you that you need to go out Somewhere To have a meaningful conversation Meaningful conversation sometimes Is where you are alone Like I'm making an example Me and my wife When we are here in the house There's no meaningful conversation Because anytime we want to start talking The kids will be entering Interrupting our conversation Then she will ask me, can we go out for a drink? Me too lazy to go out. That laziness I'm talking about and I'm just making an example of that, but there's other ways as well. Because being lazy to know somebody makes you not to grow your relationship being lazy is not to do things together being lazy is not to do meaningful uh let call it meaningful things together like like for argument's sake playing soccer together i'm just okay a guy and a girl you are good in the soccer you and you and your husband can play nicely soccer together. It's a way of of connecting. You understand what I'm saying? It's a way of connecting. Me and my wife if we play soccer, both of us don't like it. So we'll end up just having fun. It's a fun activity. You see, so when you're lazy to do these things together the relationship will not will not last. I'm not going to get too much into this because this will end up letting me say things that could have stayed for a while. Because laziness, the one I wanted to say now is too much into, it's more for marriage things. You see, like husband and wife saying, I'm tired already. And they have not even had the conversation. no I'm tired I can't I can't be sitting here with you till 10 o'clock and talk you see so it's it's things that makes it to go sour there's another one is manage time wisely now what I'm talking about when I say manage time wisely is that it's no use of being together but you don't you are not together it's like sitting next to each other the one is on the phone and the one is on the TV you have been sitting together for three hours but it's not ringing you anyway because me I was on the phone talking wara wara sorry miss God Wow. Thank you. Thank you. So, when I say manage time wisely, I mean like, what is the use of you having a relationship, being together, but not being in the same room? you are in the same seat like you're sitting next to each other on the couch but the one's mind is bonacot the other one's mind is northern cave you're not talking to each other but you are together so what I mean by manage time wisely is that make time for each other and say this time is for this like what I mean by this let me show you this you're going to have a conversation today we're going to have a conversation but the aim of the conversation is nothing to do with the kids because this is what happened we are talking, we are talking the next thing, the whole talk goes to the kids have you noticed it's like we want to talk, me and you come, let's sit down let's talk but we are not talking about each other the people that is in the relationship we are talking about the kids so many times meaning to say that this conversation will be for this reason. And let's talk about mother and daughter relationship. Let's not talk about this relationship themes. I'm talking about specifically mother and daughter relationship now. Managing time is to say, my daughter, do you know that for some reason when I took out the clothes from the washing, I saw some reddish thing on your trouser. What happened? Would you mind sharing what happened? No, mom, you know, when I was at school, I forgot to have this thing with me and then suddenly it happened. You know mother and daughter can easily talk about that thing You probably know I talking between the lines but you probably know what I talking about the red thing So the mother and daughter can easily say, oh, you know what is this? Let's talk. Number one, if it starts, just make sure that always in your bag, have a little bit of extra something, something for you. You see, that is mother and daughter conversation. And taking the time to have these conversations will stop the daughter from being embarrassed one day. Because I don't know why people can't get used to it, but always they embarrass the little girls with this. Why they embarrass girls, I don't know. Because if the mother ever had a conversation, it will happen. One day you will stand up there and they will laugh for you. just say it's human being that's it no need to feel embarrassed because it's a human thing so these are time taking to explain time taking for you and your daughter to show your daughter how do you do this cooking thing so that one day when she move out your daughter will not be the one that every time the guy must say I wish you were like my mother the guy saying to the girl I wish you were like my mother not knowing that there was no time for the girl to actually get to know how the motherly thing works because she was busy with other things that was also important but because of the time that you've spent together putting some things into place. That is time management. Do you know that when I was younger, when I was younger, I never had the time to speak to my dad. Nor my, I must say my dad and my stepdad. I never had the time to speak to them. because I was so full of anger for my stepdad that anytime when I get to with him in one room I just wanted to fight I always just wanted to fight always just wanted to fight but today it better i at least before he died we had some time that we together now enough of these things that i was just giving you now let me give you some time as things to improve how to improve in your relationship and in your education education wisdom whatever you call it how do you improve in that is number one seeks god's help always get god's involved i think our time is fine um it's finished let me let me just rush through it i'm i'm going to give you quicker now god's help meaning to say write it down if you need to read the scripture again. In James 1 verse 5. James 1 verse 5 says, If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and will give them to you. So it will, if you seek God's wisdom in, my relationship is a failure. My relationship is almost, we're almost in the, what is it? We're about to separate. Ask God, what is the reason that this separation is about to happen? So ask Him. You know, you can ask Him as well, what will make the already best relationship to be better? You can also ask Him that. Relationship is a relationship between father and son. So don't, I'm talking marriage, but I'm just making you the examples. like I previously said to you when I talk about the message, I said don't give way for small foxes in some of the areas of your life. And these areas you can choose which area is best fitting for you. You tell me which area is best fitting for you. So when I talk about area, to see God God's help or helping hand in your relationship is that Lord, me and my mother was fighting last night I don understand what made us to fight and don always ask the question what did she do wrong or what did i do wrong say what did both of us missed to have this misunderstanding you know when i say missed because my communication or my understanding of a problem is different than what somebody who's grown up understanding of problems. I'm looking back into my life. My dad only wanted the best for me. And I, in return, thought he wanted to victimize me. So, the different perceptions made me to misunderstand his actions. Persevered the improving for marriage and so is to persevere through the challenges. Do you know some of the challenges we have? Some of the challenges we have, the moment the challenge comes, no, I don't want you anymore. The moment one challenge comes, no, I want to move out of the house. The moment one of the challenges comes, no, you're not my dad anymore. You see, so all these challenges you have to persevere because these are the challenges that makes us to be human beings we need to clash James 1 verse 2 and 2 to 4 consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters whether you face trials of many kinds because you know why the testing of your faith produced perseverance the testing of your faith produced perseverance so persevere through it That is what you need to do I'm coming to a conclusion here And I said to you How do you improve your Your Your Relationship To make sure that the communications Are Prem and proper Not having funny communications Not having Insignificant communications Don't talk nonsense Like, just don't talk about most of the time you talk, it's just that what happened today, oh no, I was at work, something happened, whatever, whatever, something doesn't... Let's talk about, Meshka, last night I saw you, you were not feeling well when I said to you, I'm leaving today to go to church. What is it that bothers you? Please tell me. What makes you to bother you when I said, I want to go to my friend's house? What bothers you when I go to my friend's house? What is it that makes my friend, that you don't trust me and my friend together? Daddy, why do you not want me to go to a 16 year old party? What makes you not wanting me to go? Don't just say no. Give me a reason. You understand? Because sometimes as a father, you think that you do something good by just saying no. But you don give the reasons and the reason is making the difference Because some reasons need to be explained So communicate it clearly. I was of the opinion that my mom just didn't care about my girlfriend. She didn't care. less did I know that my girlfriend actually made me to think about her how do you say my girlfriend was more like my mother when she was younger Caroline so me and my mom they were having the same ways and that made my mom not wanting to sit with Caroline too long because most of the time they were they were talking and then what will happen is that they will start sharing things that my mom didn want to have because she was afraid of getting hurt So these are the things that helps you to improve your relationship Don't think they know. Ask, is it? Don't think, just ask. Heavenly Father, I come to you in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord, and Savior, and I. Pray, Lord Jesus, that some of our relationships have gone sour. Not just our relationships, but the relationship with you as well. Has gone sour because we have lacked some of these things. And therefore, in the mighty name of Jesus, as we lack these things, I'm asking you to give us more knowledge. Give us more understanding. So that we can conquer our relationships in ourselves. and therefore Lord Jesus in the mighty name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior that this morning as we are praying and praying also at the same time that anybody that is under the sound of my voice will have the best best best going forward in any relationship whether it is a boyfriend, girlfriend, whether it is a father, son whether it's a mother, son whatever relationship, whether it is a work relationship between the boss and the employee relationship, they will have the best of relationships because of the pointers that has been given in the mighty name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. Now may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit rest and abide with us all until Jesus comes. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our lives and we shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever in Jesus mighty name. Amen and Amen. Amen